If your eating a kebab you may want to eat it fast, as this may turn you off ( or maybe on?)
Looks like the Fryday team got its shit together and did a post, but wait, this ain’t any post. It’s a Mardi Gras post bitches. So what in this diversified world could the Fryday team fry to celebrate? A fucking Golden Gay Time of course, you bloody drags.
So first your gonna have to get a box of Golden Gay Times from your nearest convenience store.. Try not to lock eyes with your cashier. You’d only be wasting everyone’s time, including yours. No one is interested. Just admit it.
Once you’ve merrily skipped home (I can only assume that’s how homosexuals get home?), keep it in the freezer, with ice around it to make it as cold as possible. While that’s getting chilled in the freezer. It’s time to get the batter going. Take a scroll to the past and see what we used for the batter recipe. The key is to make sure it’s got a thick and creamy consistency – once again get your head out of the gutter, unless your into that?
While you make your batter, you’ll need some beats. We recommend anything from Nikki Webster’s fantastic lineup of songs. If you don’t have any of her cassets, it’ll be in the pedofile section of your local Kmart – ask the old man at the front of the store that’s clearly staring at your junk, he’ll take you
gay straight there and maybe more.
Once Nikki has graced your ears and reminded you of the good old days of the olympics, John Howards eyebrows, Julia Gilard being a true ranger and when asylum seekers meant a friend who got kicked out of their house, your batter is done and its time to DEEP FRY THAT SHIT. So get out your crusty old deep fryer and fill it with
non fat lol who are we kidding full fat oil and turn up the heat!
Once the fryer is at maximum temperature (we don’t actually know if its supposed to be at maximum heat, we just figured that everything fries better at the max) pull out your gay time from the freezer and put it straight in.
Watch your fry. Try not to stare at the handsome old man or woman in the house next door while he or she gets out of the shower. We know its tempting but your just going to have to wait for him or her to be in the Mardi Gras float with leather strap-ons. It’s only one more day away…
It’ll only take around a minute or just under to fry the Gay Time, which is still much more longer than your domestic partners time when he or she (or shemale) is getting it on with you in the bed. So pull it it as soon as you notice the batter turning brown.
Taste test: we’re giving it a 6/10. Our one was left in the fryer then melted ad turned to shit. But it tasted as good as a rim job.
Hope ya’ll having a gay old time on FRYDAY.
Hello our fryday-fryers,
We have received many emails, letters, texts and messages via carrier pigeon, all from you wondering what has happen to your weekly fry fix. Some were wondering if our large intake of deep-fried saturated fats has finally taken a toll on our health, others just sent us abuses and told us to hurry the f-ck up and fry some shit already.
Truth be told, the reason for our extended disappearance was due to a very distressing visited to our doctor. After taking heed to the warnings of the general practitioner to curb our addiction to fried food, we went on a diet. And after a week of only eating low carb/low sugar/low fats/low fun food, we started to feel our hearts beat regularly again. But what would happen to frydayfryday?!
And anyway, rawdayrawday.com sounded lame. So, for the greater good and for our fans, we decided to forgo our health and continue down the path to a cardiopulmonary-arrest.
So we’re back in the kitchen with our fryer turned up to high.
And if you ever want to climax after 3 seconds, try forgoing chocolate for a week and then take a bite out of this bad boy. Which bad boy am I talking about? Move over Ryan Gosling*, his name is Tim.
Tim Tam, that is.
Tim Tam is an Australian chocolate biscuit (or “cookie” for our North American brothers and sisters). As described by Wikipedia, it is “composed of two layers of chocolate malted biscuit, separated by a light chocolate cream filling, and coated in a thin layer of textured chocolate”. As described by the frydayfryday team, it is simply “a chocolate orgy”.
As for the batter, the trick is to caress flour, water, baking soda together until you get something that looks like a gooey, lumpy, sticky concoction. I’m pretty sure that’s too how Nigella would describe it too.
Now dump your Tim Tams in the batter and let them frolic in it until they’re covered in its lumpy goodness, then DEEP FRY THAT SHIT.
Now bask it in its delectable glory. It’s moments like these that I am proud to be from ‘Straya.
The taste test:
“This is the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth”
“I would marry this biscuit if marriage to inanimate objects was legal.”
“Sex with a man will now forever disappoint me”
In conclusion: By far the best thing we have fried to date. Tim Tams a great as they are, but that’s like saying Ryan Gosling would be great as a celibate, vegan monk. Same as we prefer him naked, we like our Tim Tams fried.
The final score: 10/10
*I’m sure Ryan Gosling could also achieve a female orgasm in 3 seconds or less. But unlike the Tim Tam, I have no evidence to disprove this theory. If, by any chance you are reading this Mr Gosling, feel free to prove us wrong by contacting us at email@example.com
The Deep Fried Macaron. Also known as the Purple People Eater.
The most f-cked up thing about a Macaron is it’s name. So many times have we tried to be pretentious, sitting outside in a cosy French cafe’s chair with our butt sweat watering the concrete below, while we confidently proclaimed to the waiter: ‘Une macaroon, s’il vous plaît;’ only to be given this coconut concoction that resembles your neighbour’s slightly burnt bitch of a Maltese dog that you secretly tried to kick the other day.
But then again, you’re probably a poor f-ck like us so the furthest you’ve gone to is Wollongong on a sunny day, and you’re too forever alone to even have a neighbour meaning that none of the above actually applies to you and that we should all awkwardly move on.
In other news, we got our fancy b-tch on today.
We bought some Blueberry and some brownitmightbewalnutortiramisuflavoured macarons. We dipped them in a new and simple kind of batter: simply flour and soda water- before letting it burn like Tina Arena in the deep fryer.
The Before Shot:
The After Shot:
We don’t really know what happened in the middle of the entire process, pretending to be French is hard work y’all and we were too busy making lurve while our hands and toes clutched to baguettes and glasses of wine.
But nevertheless we did conduct a taste test. The final result consisted of:
A collective 7.5/10.
‘I dunno, it’s a bit weird inside. Like a vagina.’
‘Yeah, I did find that it tasted good, but it was a bit too dry for my liking.’(Like a vagina)
‘How can something that is bigger than a nipple but smaller than my ex-boyfriend’s dick taste so good?!’
Apparently we had anatomy on our mind.
USA: Where guns are legal and where Kinder Surprises are banned.
Welcome to this week’s apocalyptic edition: Kinder Surprise Eggs (all the non-Americans know what we’re talking about).
So the world didn’t end … well that doesn’t mean we still can’t wreck the fuck out of our digestive system!
The first few minutes were moments of pure joy and bliss for the Fryday team. For what could go wrong with a Kinder Surprise? We peeled back the wrapper like an exotic hooker, got our batter, added some corn flakes to it to make it crunchy then we DEEP FRIED THAT SHIT.
We threw it in and the fryer almost vomited it out. The chocolate instantly started melting, there was smoke and the Fryday team feared the worst for our dear fryer.
And then it happened. Irreversible damage was done.
But alas, after all the smoke cleared, something prevailed from the now black frying oil we’ve been re-using for the last year.
SURPRISE… It was the kinder suprise, toy and all.
We used some tampons we found lying around to soak up the excess oil and there it was, in all its kinder joy.
We truly felt like gods, we could have saved the planet from total chaos.
So was it all worth it? FUCK YES.
The chocolate, though melted was still soft and goey, like a chewing gum that’s being stuck on a park bench in the sun. The batter was as crisp as a birds beak. And of course the toy. Fuck knows how that thing survived but we assembled it and it was truly breathtaking.
Maybe it was the plastic residue that seeped into the chocolate, maybe it was the Myans and their poor maths skills. Nevertheless, this was something truly to behold.
2.8/10 – the 0.8 is for the surprise of having a third shit hole formed as the result of eating this. Bliss.
We introduce to you the ‘Deep Fried Bacon ‘n’ Egg McMuffin.’ Also known as the ‘Yo Gabba Gabba (Gabba Gabba Gabba)’ Burger.’
If you were one of those kids whose degenerate parents banned the consumption of McDonalds during the early 00s, this post is dedicated to you. Too well do we know those times when we’d sneak away to Maccas after school- three dollars in hand ‘cause shit was cheap back then- and shoot up on Chicken McNuggets, fries and holy f-ck, don’t forget the 30c cones that tastes like God’s hair whipped on a stick. And although we’ve tried to quell such an addiction by eating gourmet, becoming vegan (lulz), or transferring to dirty bird KFC, our toilet bowls won’t let us hide the fact that we still shit out the golden arches.
Without further ado: the Yo Gabba Gabba (Gabba Gabba Gabba) Burger.
That’s soda water in the pink. And that’s a tear drop on the chopping board. Hagrid’s big fat tear drop.
Just mash all this shiz up together.
Just place a wooden cutting board under anything to make it look rustic and bam you’ve got a cover for Women’s Weekly.
The trouble with food blogs is that the readers can’t smell the food; hence why y’all are lucky because this McMuffin had the stench of a rotting corpse that let out it’s final fart.
We were faced with a dilemma for this deep frying challenge: to fry the whole thing in once, or to fry layer by layer.
We decided to go with the layers.
Dismember the McMuffin layer by layer. Submerge it in the batter (the combination of the above ingredients) so that it’s properly covered. After making sure that the fryer is in fact working and has reached it’s highest degree, dunk each layer into the week old oil and wait until it becomes all crisp and golden.
The After Shot:
Stack all of that fried goodness together, squeeze in a bit of tomato sauce and then you’re finally ready to say hello to cholesterol. Here’s the final product, grease and all:
Final score after the taste test: 7/10
‘What’d you think of it?’
‘I dunno man, it tastes a whole lot like vegetable oil and tomato and bread. It also tastes like migraines, shit I’ve got a headache.’
Final conclusion: It tastes a whole lot like good vegetable oil, smeared in good tomato sauce and placed within even better bread that’s been given to you in hospital right after you suffered from an automobile accident.
The Deep Fried Oreo. Also (now) known as the Defroreo.
Oreos are based on a complete lie.
The attempts to twist, lick and dunk remain futile as the cookie breaks off into pieces; you sit disappointed on your couch as you stare at that kid and his yellow dog/labrador/retriever/whatever the f-ck. Perhaps the Americans get the good stash while us international folk are forced to consume the stale rejects. Nonetheless, this week we have decided to crack the ‘carny’ favourite by tackling the deep fried Oreo.
Disclaimer: We actually have no idea what we’re doing, but please, feel free to use our recipe.
What you need:
Soda Water or Beer or Tonic Water because that would be some disgusting shit
Bread Crumbs or things that look like oats/vomit in order to make it crispier/tastier
The forgettable rest
We are not able to provide you with quantities because the quantities remain a mystery to us as well, but nevertheless you mash that all up together until it sort of looks something like this:
The consistency has to resemble that of thickened cream because if it’s too liquid-y, it just won’t stick. Also, the soda water was added to create a fluffier and lighter batter- it adds that extra crisp.
If you’re new to deep frying there is no need to fret. Obtain private health care and drive to a friend’s house so that you don’t burn down your own. Provide said friend with the right utensils and simply let them do the burning. Just don’t forget to bring the oil because you’ll need 3 Litres of it; worst case scenario, wring your hair because you’re a dirty fella like that.
Your lack of showering aside, the Oreo should not succumb to the hot oil for too long. Make sure that it doesn’t stick to the basket and take it out after around 30 seconds, lay it on some paper towels and boom you’re done.